The best head to heads are the ones that you can debate with your mates, because you know that there’s no chance that they’ll ever come true. Ones like “How many goals would Buddy kick if he had SOS Silvagni on him?” or “Who would have got AIDS first if Wilt Chamberlain and Magic Johnson went to the same orgy?”
Of the sporting head to heads, my favourite has to be the one from the last Rocky movie, where Rocky punches on with the black guy who wasn’t Clubber Lang or Apollo Creed in a video game. For the people who didn’t see this (by this, I mean pretty much everyone without damage to their frontal lobe), it starts out as a head to head in a video game, where the current champ (the guy who’s not Stallone) fights an all-time and retired great (Rocky) in a video game re-enactment. When Rocky wins, the current champ gets his nose out of joint and wants to bash the pension out of Rocky to prove he’s the best. Not really sure why, as getting upset at a video game like this is kind of like yelling at the jockey for tanking when you lose at the horse racing video game at the pub!
Either way, they finally get it on and sort it out once and for all, but I won’t tell you who wins, because I know that you’re now probably gagging to go out and get the DVD. You should be able to get it as a weekly. In fact, the folks at Blockbuster will probably just let you keep it if you also agree to take all their copies of “Tango & Cash” and “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot.”
Let’s face it, great head to heads aren’t just limited to the sporting field. Two sides of the same coin that have always stood out for me are “Who was a better supermodel – Heidi Klum or Christie Brinkley?” or “Which battler shagged out of his weight division for longer – Seal or Billy Joel?” But when it comes to off field head to heads, the age old one for me has always been “Who would win a fight between a croc and a shark?” I can’t believe it took me this long to get a resolution or that I didn’t think to make the NT News my first port of call. They alternate the front page between brawls and crocs every other day, so it’s inevitable that the twain would finally meet. Looks like we finally have our answer: Crocs 1 – Sharks 0! The ball’s in your court, Jaws…